Instances in your past does not restrict the person you can be in the future. You have every capacity for growth. Self-hatred is a form of defeatism, saying you are pre-scripted to this image people have created for you. It is a fiction you tell yourself based on past events. Simply rewrite that fiction.

Learning how to overcome your errors is truly what defines your. You don’t know the person you could be through your own personal growth. You are malleable.

"Sapiens" by Yuval Noah Harari

Dystopian book
Set tens of thousands of years in the future. Human evolution no longer works because of lack of natural selection. Dystopian government therefore simulates natural selection to generate humans worth having offspring.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - Frank Herbert

"We often suffer more in imagination than in reality" - Seneca